frustrations and realizations

Hillary Had some thoughts she wanted to share with you.

Yesterday I went to a craft show and did not make my entry fee back.  This is not the first time,  nor, I suspect, will it be the last.  I got home and said out loud to my husband "I'm going to the next one, but if that doesn't go well, I am done with beading."  This is also not the first time those words have been uttered.  But every time I say it, i mean it a little more.

I went to a craft show with items that everyone seems to like at prices that I've been told a million times are probably too low and smiled and talked and made connections with many people all while under the weather from a cold and had nothing to show for it.  Why on earth wouldn't I stop?

I was truly going to until, to get over the anger and perceived rejection, I pulled out the bead board and the pliers and the wire.  Beading truly has a calming and reaffirming effect on me.  It has also been an especially good friend the last two days as I get over this cold.  Since I feel tired and sniffly all the time, I physically don't feel like doing anything, but I mentally and emotionally want something to do.  I could read a book, I could draw, I could play a video game, but the first place I went (and often go) is to that bead board.

So, clearly, stopping isn't what I need to do.  Something needs to change because working a 10 hour day where you literally don't get paid is no ones idea of fun, but beading is not the thing that needs to change.  I love what I do and I create beautiful things.  I want to share them with people, preferably for money, but, well... we'll just have to see how this transition comes about.  A transition is needed, but I'm not sure what I'm transitioning to yet.  I'll let you know when I know. :)